To the ones struggling with faith...

This is a picture of my Bible. I have had it for     14 years. 

To the ones struggling with faith.....

You are not alone. From experience I have had trouble with putting my faith in God since I was young. You always think why me? Or why did God take this from me? This is something that crossed my mind many of times. When I was a freshman in high school my Great Grandpa passed away. He had a long fought battle with Alzheimer's. He got to the point where he didn't recognize anyone. It made me angry. I didn't understand how a God who could do such amazing things could make someone suffer. When he died I felt guilty for the time I didn't spend with him. I then found my love for the piano and music. Music began to heal me and make me happy. I still didn't understand why God took away loved ones. That was just the start of my struggle with my Faith.

Junior year of high school was a test I was not ready for. The state of Tennessee made us test for so many days out of the year. I have always been one to want to make perfect grades.So all these tests stressed me out. I got to where I couldn't sit still in class without having an anxiety attack. I would get so overwhelmed and upset because I had to remember so much. I would sit in a bathroom stall crying and asking God why. Why me? Why couldn't I be the person who didn't care? But I did. I started to find ways to cope with it to get through everyday life.

Senior year God sent someone to be apart of my life. That person made me feel worthy and good enough. I could always rely on them to be there. When I was upset they would always say it is gonna be okay. This person never really realized how much of an impact they had on my life but they made such a difference. For a year they were by my side everyday. They made me so happy. And made me a better person. They became my best friend and partner in crime. I wasn't angry at the World and I began to think God truly had blessed me. He sent this person to help me through the rough days and anxiety filled emotions.

It all changed though once I got to college. My life began to go on a downhill spiral. I became so stressed I pushed away the people I loved most. And I felt alone. I began to ask God again why. I have always been a good kid. Never got in trouble. Obeyed my parents. But as finals weeks is coming upon me I realized I am the problem. I never have gave my all to God and let him guide me. I have never in my life felt comfortable or truly loved at a church before. Until I went to church with my friend that I shut off for awhile. I reached out and needed help and she invited me to church. As soon as you walked in the door you could feel the presence of God. Everyone there was so welcoming. They have praise music and that is what I connected with the most. And they played a song called "Everything and Nothing Less". It talks about giving it all to God. Surrendering it all to Jesus. We owe him everything. He died for us. This song made me feel close to God. It made me realize I need to change my outlook on life. I needed to surrender it all to him. He won't judge. He will guide me in my path he has set. Since that day of stepping into this church I have felt closer to God. It is still a struggle everyday to give it all to him. And sometime I still question why he does what he does but it will all come out in time. He has a path for everyone. And he may take people away and put people in our lives to help us through a hard time. He doesn't do it to hurt us. He has a plan.

So to the one who is struggling with their faith.... You're not alone. He will guide you. And this is something that takes time. So go out and find a church you feel where you belong. I did and it forever has change my mind about God.

I hope you all join me on this journey we call life.

K


"Come to me all, all who are weary and burdened; and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28